Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Things You Can Do with a Shortstack

Okay, you bought your Shortstack and now your'e saying, "But Timothy, after I finish reading it and telling all my friends about it, what else can I do with it?"

And that's why we're here. To help. Ignore all those household hints columns. Here's what you do.

You can have a Shortstack for breakfast.
Good with maple syrup and coffee

If it's past 3 p.m. in New York and therefore too late for breakfast, try a Shortstack sandwich for lunch.
Hold the mayo.

Late night dinner? Sure.
Goes well with cabernet sauvignon.

Table wobbles at dinner. Not a problem
You might need two.

Like some toast with that breakfast? Of course.
Try it with strawberry jam.

Running low in the Necessary?
No need for a trip to the pharmacy.

You could just chill with it...
next to the ice cubes...

Or recycle it...
Paper, not plastic

There's always the old "put it on a bookshelf."
File it next to Mark Twain, please.

Or even read it again.
Open it first.

There you have it.

Except all those things are difficult with the eBook.
You could use it to frighten the children.

Now for the quiz. What do these three books have in common?
Books that should be in everyone's library.

It's not that the authors all liked cats.

Nope. It's not that the authors were drunk when they wrote the books.

No, not because the words all came from a dictionary.

Well, what do you think? Post your guess in the comments. If you know for certain, put a little star at the end of your answer, like this *.

Thanks for reading. Next time?


  1. They were all three derelict doctor, riverboat captain prison inmates once before taking up the respectable pursuit of writing.*

    1. Respectable pursuit of writing? Mr. Edgington, author of The Sky Behind Me, you logged too many hours in that chopper in Nam. You left part of your mind in the jungle.

    2. But you do get points for putting a * at the end of your answer.

  2. My guess is that you have all been federally indicted on charges of embezzlement. Or maybe that was just Porter? I forget.

    Either way, you had ought to be charged with something for stealing my patented paperback in the fridge marketing technique.

    1. Buzz Malone, star of stage, screen and Malone's Blog, author of Silence of Centerville and mystery opus magnum coming this fall...that book is in the freezer, not the fridge. No foul. Besides, I already stole your entire blog format and most of your photographs. Too late to indite.

  3. My second guess is that you were all three born in the same year.

    1. You got it, but since you failed to follow the rules and put a * at the end of your answer, you do not get the prize.

  4. Third guess...

    All three authors were subjected to dangerously high doses of lead in their youth.

    1. Hence the phrase "get the lead out." Besides it was mercury that made the Mad Hatter mad.
      Have some more tea, Malone?
      I can't very well have more when I've had none.
      On the contrary, Malone, you can't have less.

  5. Let's keep it simple:
    All white dudes*
    Each had other professions prior to being successful writers*
    Each known as being a humorist* (aka laugh-terrorist)
    Each lived in two different centuries*
    Favored the short fiction format*
    Wild card guess - They each were born with a name different than their pen names.*

    1. Mostly right.
      I'm not white.
      Successful writers?
      Yes, if by humorist you mean lunatic.
      Correct, I, for instance have lived in the 21st and the 14th.
      Yes, because of our short attention spans.
      Right again. My birth name was Rumpelstiltskin. My father was a Ukrainian Jew with Irish proclivities.
      I'll personally bring your prize to you in Oct.