Sunday, June 16, 2013

Rejected Father’s Day Cards

My children passed up some great cards when selecting my Happy Father’s Day greeting. Thanks kids. I love you too. Let’s do lunch.

Here are the ones they didn't send me:

Dear Dad, Mom and I are sending Happy Father’s Day greetings even though I know you say you were nowhere near Poughkeepsie twelve years ago.

Dear Daddy, I am fine. I hope you are fine. I hope they show you my card when you wake up.

Happy Father’s Day. I mailed your card late. I hope it gets there before the injection.

Dear Dad, You mean so much to me and I want to follow in your footsteps, but you’ve covered your tracks so well I can’t find them. Please text me.

Hi Pops, Just want to let you know Mom and I have been fine since you left to get a newspaper and cigarettes. Happy Father’s Day wherever you are.

Yo, Daddio. Like, whassup, dude? It's Father's Day. Ain't that far out? Can you loan me twenty?

Dear Father. The judge says even if I look like the mailman, you have to pay.

Hey Pops, Remember how you always thought it was funny to say “Write when you get work?” Well, seriously, write when you get work. Mom and I can use the cash.

Dear Father, I don’t believe in the “pull my finger” trick any more. I found out you can fart whenever you want. Thanks for disillusionment.

Dearest Father, I hope to retain all the values you have passed on to me. In particular I like the value of the trust fund you set up last year. Will you be adding to it?

Dear Dad, I hope you are having a good time at the convention in Toledo. Please don’t bring me a T-shirt.

Thanks, kids, for tolerating your old man.

And thank you for reading. See you again?

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  1. Some good ones there , Timothy. I particularly like the lethal injection one!

    1. Thank you for reading, Jane. You are such a romantic.

  2. Thanks for reading. You're right, it's nice to get cards. Sometimes they send the cards they got from someone else. But at least they cross out their name and add mine. I've got the world's best kids.