Be on the lookout for this. It’s methane.
In response to a question: yes, cows do release methane. It’s because they eat grass. Grass has a lot of indigestible carbohydrate.
The cow goes moo.
Cows can map the world
Corn, not a natural food for cows, also has stuff cows don’t digest well. Whenever an animal doesn’t digest certain carbohydrates, the bacteria renting tiny little apartments in your colon (the large intestines) digest the carbohydrates and release methane. That’s the ingredient in farts that allowed Singed Sam to work his way through college setting lite to his gaseous expulsions. Farting is not all bad.
Not Sam, but same size flame
The bacteria also make other stuff that’s good: butyrate, for instance that might help cell wall healing, and theoretically should lower cancer risk.Hurley’s Law: Every time you hear a fart a cancer cell dies.
Cows are doing their best to create methane, which is way better than carbon dioxide as an ozone layer destroyer. Methane is the big brother of global climate change. There are more ruminants (that’s cows and cow-like critters.) than at anytime in earth history. Humans far outnumber cows and also release methane in response to indigestible carbohydrate (beans, cabbage—you know the drill).
Humans who eat lots of animal meat (The Lunatic Assylum does not advocate cannibalism.) get less carbohydrate—which is why there was less farting in a Neolithic cave than at a salad-eating Manhattan board meeting.
Another gas factory
There's a bill in the Senate to ban vegetarianism. And that makes infinite sense. It’s the vegetarians and the vegans who get the most carbohydrate. Next time you hear a fart in an elevator realize: it’s the vegetarians who are destroying the planet. (Hurley’s First Law of Elevators: Never fart when you’re alone in an elevator; when the doors open there is no doubt in the minds of those getting on.)
I say ban vegetables outright. And if the National Food Association lobby is too strong to pass that (the NFA spokeperson, Charleton Preston, exclaimed, “The government can have my rutabagas when they pry them from my cold dead hands.”), then at least have background checks on those buying veggies. And no more Saturday night specials at the supermarket.
No more of this, please
It’s obvious from my research we need to get rid of the cows. And the best way to do that is kill ‘em and eat ‘em. The next time you drive through McDonald’s, eat an extra one. Do it for your planet.
Brad and Angelina saving the planet
Thanks for reading. If you find any flaws in my logic, let me know. See you again?
photo credit: Google Search
photo credit: Google Search
<a rel=“author” href=“ https://plus.google.com/u/0/104338235214791699021/about?tab=XX”>Timothy Hurley</a>