Sunday, May 12, 2013

Hurley Wisdom on Twitter

I realized only my Twitter followers were receiving the questionable benefit of my 140 character wisdom. With this post I correct that mistake. Herewith a few pearls from the loony who tweets at timothyhurley3. [For nitpickers who will count the characters in each of these quips: okay, I admit it. I edited some for clarity and hilarity.]

I say it every spring: For the next six months, everything I do wrong is the fault of Daylight Savings Time.

You know you live in New York when your neighbors in the next apartment order in breakfast from a diner 5 blocks away.

My apt is such a mess, if the socialists invade now, I don't care. They can only make it better.

It’s Superbowl Sunday. Worship at the television of your choice.

Facebook says I need 29 more likes immediately or they'll kill me now. Facebook: the other F word.

Writer’s block variant: writer’s distraction.

I had a good writing day: 1200 words of pure crap. I credit the cappuccino.

In Minnesota the mosquitos are so large you need to put heavy rocks in your pockets to keep them from carrying you off.

The government can take my choc chip cookies from me when they pry them from my cold dead chocolatey hands.

If you are what you eat, does that mean the next day you are what you sh*t?

Rules for bicoastal writers: In California, smile and talk to all strangers not sitting on sidewalks. In New York City mind your own damn business.

Whoever said it's not the destination, it's all about the journey, wasn't flying coach.

Remember it's Mother's Day. Find your mother and thank her. If she's hiding from you, talk to that mutha on the subway next to you.

Thanks for reading folks. See you again?

photo credit: Google Search


  1. Happy belated Mother's Day to you Timothy. Okay, you're still funny. I approve.

    1. Thank you, Eve. And you're not the only one who called me a mother yesterday.

      And coming Friday: Why vegetarianism is destroying the earth.