(ancient parchment found in Filene's Basement in 1614, shortly after the Dutch took Manhattan)
Go placidly amid the noisesome haste,
And remember such comfort there may be in mortgaging a piece thereof.
Avoid boring and lifeless persons, unless you are in need of loans.
Admire the brilliant, the clever, the self-loved,
And follow their example, though they be actors.
Know what to taste and when.
Consider that it is better to have loved and lost,
Than to diet on Thanksgiving.
Whenever possible, text in public places.
Be consoled that in the face of all appearances and disillusionment,
And despite the advance of environmental collapse,
There is always a big future in crisis management.
Remember the Oscars.
Strive at all times to swim against the tide, cheat, and game the system.
Foster self awareness. Remove your shoes and socks at TSA.
Exercise caution in your public affairs,
Especially when the security cam is on,
And your partner behaves like a fool.
Ponder always that a walk through the ocean of most souls,
Will scarcely get your feet wet.
Fall not in love therefore; it will complicate your day.
Cheerfully surrender the things of youth: hair, white teeth, sleeping through the night.
And let not the Wolves of Madison Avenue eat your lunch.
For a good time, Google keyword “fun.”
Take heart within the depressing gloom of life,
That your ringtones are finally annoying that jerk on your left.
And reflect that whatever fortune may befall you,
It could only be worse in New Jersey.
You are a fluke of the Universe.
You have no right to be here, and whether you can hear it or not,
The Universe is laughing behind your back.
Therefore make peace with your God whatever you conceive Her to be,
Lightening thrower or Cosmic Lover.
With all its hopes, dreams, potential, and suburban decay,
The world continues to deteriorate.
Sorry if that didn't inspire you to spring from your sick bed and pick daisies, but thanks for reading. See you again, I hope.
<a rel=“author” href=“ https://plus.google.com/u/0/104338235214791699021/about?tab=XX”>Timothy Hurley</a>